A minority will grumble but India can accept the IPL the way it is because it is not a playing society. Its relationship with sport is not of participant but consumer. It holds nothing sacred. The IPL knows that it competes not against sport but general entertainment. “Saas-bahu se better hai,” [It's better than family-drama soaps] a viewer remarks. And to compete with saas-bahu one must make concessions. Do not give them a moment to linger; cut to Deepika Padukone, a cheerleader’s thigh, a 30-second dugout interview. [link]

I think Indians are just too accepting of Bullshit.

And then Kanishk Tharoor on something which has exasperated me for long: Cheerleaders in IPL. Of the White variety.

All too common in India is the belief in the licentiousness of foreign women. In recent years, stories of sexual violence against tourists in India have proliferated, a tragic byproduct in some cases of the impression that foreign women are naturally promiscuous. While I wouldn’t draw a direct line between IPL cheerleaders and such incidences, the very nature of IPL cheerleading as a spectacle feeds deeper, insidious notions about race and sexuality in India.

The paucity of Indian cheerleaders tells its own story. In a country where an entire film industry is sustained by beautiful women dancing, it is hard to believe that the appropriate “talent” is missing. The choice made by IPL organisers in this regard suggests, first, the unsettling marketing conclusion that Indians really just want to see white skin. Second, and perhaps more troubling still, it suggests a quiet acquiescence to the view of the conservative elements of society that Indian women are somehow more sacred and less carnal than their western counterparts. Not for them the tight tops and bared thighs of IPL cheerleading. Just like the licentious foreign woman, the idea of the modest Indian woman is closer to fiction than truth. It is the kind of fantasy that animates attacks on girls who had the “audacity” to have a drink at a pub (as happened in Mangalore last year). It is an ideal that masks the sexual violence perpetrated against Indian women on a daily basis (an issue about which I have written in these web pages before).[link]

But I ask you this: In a country where daily power outages range from 4 hours to 20 and where there are regions still off the electricity grid what meaning this initiative has?

We already practice earth hour(s). Every day. Involuntarily.

Maybe instead of investing time and energy in this meaningless PR exercise, we should be concerned about things which matter more in the Indian context: State of our rivers for instance.

No?

In essence, the point Mr. Joseph appears to be making is that Tendulkar’s alleged unpopularity among Indian men—have you ever seen an Indian man cheering for Tendulkar—reflects his own inadequacies. That is, of the Indian men. Of which there are plenty. Both Indian men and their inadequacies. But I digress. Oh wait, Mr. Joseph also finds West Indian men inadequate.

Let’s look at it more closely.

The male analysis of Sachin Tendulkar is a two-decade long confession of Indian men. When they speak of him, usually through pilfered opinions, they reveal fragments of their own fears and private grouses. So when a guy says that Rahul Dravid is a more useful Test player than Sachin, he means to say, ‘I am an ordinary person and I want the ordinary to triumph over the flamboyant, I want hard work to be accorded the same respect as unattainable genius, otherwise what is the whole point of my existence.’ When he says Laxman is more beautiful to watch than Sachin, he is saying, ‘I want you to believe that I am classy, an opera among rock concerts.’ And when he says that Ganguly was a better one-day opener than Sachin, he is saying, ‘I am a Bengali.’

I will grant you the third point. If nothing else, just to merely rile up our dear Pondit. Note, though, anyone else except Bengali men being fans of Ganguly is not even a possibility.

But on Dravid and Laxman, I just love geniuses who contradict them selves in the same paragraph. So the Indian male appreciates Dravid because he reminds him that even “ordinary” folks like him can score 10000 runs in both the main formats of the game. (Talent, what talent!). And he loves Laxman because it reminds him that genius works too.

And he “hates” Tendulkar because?

Then Mr. Joseph moves on and talks about how Tendulkar is a much misunderstood man. And such. Like for instance:

How many times have you heard someone say, ‘he does not win matches’. Increasingly, people who do not have mental problems are abandoning this line of thought, even refusing to admit that they ever held such an opinion. But not very long ago, it was a popular view.

Perhaps, I have a mental problem–admittedly, not a far-fetched thought—but for a long time Tendulkar regularly failed in crunch situations. Unlike Lara, Ponting and especially Laxman who seems to play well only in tough situation, Tendulkar’s second innings Test record was patchy. Indeed, it is still poorer compared to the likes of Gavaskar and Ponting.

So the criticism was warranted. Now, Tendulkar has tried to correct it in the last couple of years where he has played defining innings when India needed him most: The Tri-series in Australia and the famous Chennai test come to mind. That is great. But that does not negate the fact that the criticism of Tendulkar’s performance in critical innings—for instance, the famous Sanjay Manjrekar “Elephant in the room” comment was well deserved.

Just like merely because Ganguly made a stunning come back to Test cricket does not negate the fact that he deserved to be dropped from the test team.

Also, his centuries, apparently, did not result in Indian victories. Considering that he did not waste balls when he was in the middle, could it be that there were other reasons for our defeat apart from his centuries? Also, it is alleged, he never lasted till the end. As if it was his wish to go have a shower before the match ended. Could it be that the mathematical probability of an opener lasting till the end is very small?

Errr…Tendulkar is an opener only in one format of the game.

Besides that, this is a classical strawman argument. The criticism was not that Tendulkar’s centuries did not lead to Indian victories but that he did not score centuries when India needed it most. Not quite the same thing. Indeed, when Tendulkar played magnificently and India still lost—for instance, the famous Chennai Test of 1999—the wrath of the entire nation was reserved for the other 10 guys. And quite rightly so.

Then there is some talk about how Sachin has blown away everyone else. Moving on,

There were periods in Lara’s astonishing career when Indian men gleefully pointed at him and said, ‘this guy is better than Sachin’

Note there are no qualifiers like “some”, “many” “a large number” hailed Lara as their personal God. (Did not you notice Tendulkar starving on the streets while Lara was endorsing all the Indian companies?) No, sire. The entire community of Indian men—all 500 million of them, filled with malice and hatred against Tendulkar—rated Lara higher.

That about makes perfect sense.  In fact, it makes even more sense when you sample the following line,

It is not surprising that the way Indian men talk about Sachin is exactly the way Caribbean men discuss Lara. “Lara has done nothing for us, nothing,” a man from Trinidad told me about three years ago. “Great batsman but a selfish fellow.”

I want to be born in Trinidad next. Come election time I will vote and the next leader of the country will be elected. One man=entire country

A few years ago, when cricket fans in Guyana were asked to decide who was better, 85 per cent voted for Tendulkar.

Right, and there is an internet poll which an Indian icon has not won since the internet was invented. Including this.

In case you think otherwise, Mr. Joseph is not done. Yet

After Fiat gifted him a Ferrari and he applied for a duty waiver of Rs 1.6 crore on it, there was a huge uproar. That was the first time he was slammed in the media. ‘How can he be so greedy’ was the cry of Indian men, all of whom spend a lot of effort evading taxes themselves. Rs 1.6 crore is a considerable sum even for Tendulkar. What was so morally bereft in trying to save that money? Are we morally compromised when we try to save a few thousand every year in tax exemption?

Note: The cry against Tendulkar’s duty waiver was exclusively by Indian males. Because there are no women journalists.

But let’s see. Maybe the controversy happened because the law was changed merely to accommodate Mr. Tendulkar’s duty waiver. Trying to save money via legal exemptions is not quite the same budgetary exemptions targeted to help one person.

But no sires, He is still not done. What follows deserves to be quoted in full because it is mind blowing. You know, Govinda kind of mind blowing. Or the kind witnessed in movies graced by Aranb’s favorite star.

But the worst argument against Tendulkar will always be the myth that he was a bad captain. The truth is: his presence in the dressing room is such that as long as he plays he will be the only captain, whether he is called that or not. All men who tried to defeat his presence hurt themselves. Ganguly was a tortured soul. When he arrived at an airport or at a press conference, if there was Tendulkar, Ganguly was never granted the dignity of being captain. It was Tendulkar people wanted to see, hear. Dhoni’s great fortune is that his mind is clear, he knows his place—Captain and No. 2.

Okay. Read and move on.

And poor Ganguly was tortured soul because no one ever asked him questions. Oh, poor soul. Good for Dhoni he knows his place!

And no of course, the discussion on whether Tendulkar was a great captain or not will not be settled by his record as captain. Which was poor to say the least. It does not mean it was his fault. It is not necessary that everyone is blessed with all the skills. It is perfectly possible for a great player not to be a great captain. And for someone like Ganguly who may not be a great batsman to be a great captain.

But Mr. Joseph has already told us that Tendulkar’s is the de facto captain of the Indian side. For ever.

No, wait. There is still more. But it is so poorly written that even someone like me who can write barely comprehensible English is forced to say—hey, I can write better! And make more sense. But then what do I know? I am a poor Indian male. In any case, I could not make head or tail of the conclusion. You are welcome to try, though.

The funniest thing of course is Tendulkar is the last person in this country who needs our sympathy. Not even Tendulkar him self would claim victimhood, and he never has. The man has been India’s biggest icon for close to two decades. For heaven’s sake, if anything, the Indian cricket fan is obsessed with Tendulkar to the extent where sometimes even victory and defeat matter less than Tendulkar’s performance. For God’s sake, he is pretty much all we care about in Indian cricket. (And a little more but this is the season of hyperbole!)

Only if Dravid—bless his soul—knew he has been a regular feature of Indian male fantasies over the last decade. You know, the same kind who have been jeering him and asking him to retire almost since the time he picked up the bat.

And then, Mr. Joseph concludes with this,

Tendulkar is a victim of not just mediocre analysis but also meaningless compliments.

What was that word again….irony….

And who is he? Nice beard, eh.

Not that I expect any limits from the SM folks on their eternal Brown spotting but this really takes it to another level. I mean, come on! Now we are going to investigate lucky charms too?

Anyways, what really blew my mind was this statement:

My post yesterday was meant to be light an humorous. Today’s is not. In posting this picture I am exposing an intimate detail that was probably (almost assuredly) never meant to be revealed. I feel like I am violating the President’s privacy

Dude, take a chill pill. And go to bed early tonight. Seriously.

Btw, what exactly was wrong with our very own Double Sri. I will bet one dollar even his beard is better!

Don’t buy it. Which part of conservative agenda did George Bush manage to push through in 8 years? Entitlement reform? Privatizing social security? Nothing. Well, yes, tax cuts who the hell votes against them?

Now, Republicans are currently in love with Scott Brown, the new dude from Massachusetts. Well, that’s because they are in the opposition and the only power they have is the power to say No. Brown strengthens that.

If Republicans actually had a majority–let alone a supermajority–it would naturally mean having moderate senators who had exasperate their base as much Lincoln or Byah do to the liberals. Let republicans win majority in Senate and the base would be threatening primary against Brown in about 3 weeks. Because he simply cannot vote like Jim Demint does. His constituents will not stand it. And every politician at the end of the day is motivated by self-preservation.

The US Senate and its rules–arcane as they may seem–ensure that the country cannot lurch too far to the Left or the Right anytime.

As we got into it, it was clear to me I was getting cut off from a lot of my readers in India and China where 50 dollars per year would be equal to a quarter of college tuition,” Friedman recently told me by phone. “What was coming to me anecdotally from my travels was the five worst words that as a columnist you ever want to hear: ‘I used to read you before you went behind the wall.’” [link] (emphasis added)

That’s five words?

Incidentally, The Grey Lady has decided to charge for content from 2011. A good move if you ask me.

In other news, Jyoti Basu has died. Considering the catastrophic consequences of his leadership of Bengal,  can’t say I am terribly bothered.

When work started, the lake had 4-feet-and-3-inch water and the people of Pushkar were hopeful that they would soon have a cleaner, deeper lake, which had been desilted,” said Radhe Shyam Sharma of Pushkar Market Association. He said when last year the district administration started desilting work the lake became wider and deeper and as a result could not conserve rainwater for even a week. The lake’s depth was 15 feet, but this increased to 25 feet. Rainwater is the primary source for the lake. [link](Emphasis added)

Is there any reason if the lake became deeper it could not, “as a result”,  conserve water?

Maybe, the IITians can tell us…

Of course, the possibility that this might be another example of TOI’s inept reporting simply does not arise…

Obama really needs to grow up and stop behaving like a petulant celebrity. I mean, what next? Paparazzi beatings?

But then…

People’ power.

He repeats it like, what, 20 times in a 800 word article? And you know what that means, right? Another atrocious book is on its way.

Now, even someone as singularly stupid as Friedman could not be so unaware of the history of Berlin Wall: it’s fall was a result of Soviet defeat in the Cold War. By the time the Berlin wall was brought down, much of Soviet empire had collapsed to the extent that in the next couple of years, the country it self would break up in 15 different independent republics.

It was hardly as if the Wall disappeared one fine day when West Berliners decided to jump over and see what the fuss is all about. As Friedman pretends. Well, perhaps, they did. Looking for good sex, I guess.

The only reason why Friedman uses the Berlin Wall example is because of the dates: 9/11 vs 11/9. Jeebus, he really needs to grow up.

According to sources, Husain’s self-imposed exile may come to an end if a plan being worked out by the UPA succeeds. CNN-IBN has learnt that the Government is making its first move to try and come to the rescue of Hussain.

Home Ministry sources have confirmed that cases filled across the country against Husain should be expedited. This will enable the Government to work out a focussed strategy to bring Husain back.[link]

Can anyone figure out a plan here? Or maybe in the babudom planning to work out a ”focussed strategy” is a plan in it self?

And notice the language: Home ministry sources say the cases ”should” be expedited. Don’t remember anyone in any context ever claiming that cases should go slow!

As the rest of the story suggests, this so-called exclusive is a case of manufacturing headlines. I didn’t bother checking the video but I am sure it must have been accompanied by ‘B’ grade Hindi movie music.

In other news, Dr Ramakrishnan is discovering that he suddenly has a lot friends.

Congratulations and such. Name the first one Tinnu!

p.s Blogging would be very light till July–even by the standards of this blog. Be good.

Quite so – so why not produce some green-tops and have their batsmen wondering about things other than how many centuries they will score and whether it will be Goanese fish curry for lunch?

The answer, of course, is money. New Zealand Cricket, like every other cricket board in the world, is terrified of India because they are the new powerbrokers; the Keepers Of The Cash.

Their money has cascaded through the game like acid rain, eroding the old order.

Cricket boards and players alike have been seduced by the bounty.

If we’d offended them by producing a green-top and running through them like a prune and licorice vindaloo, well, India might not return and might use their power to squeeze New Zealand out of lucrative events and tours.[link]

I despise much of what BCCI does. They are frequently liable to behave like a bunch of thugs punch drunk on power and money–witness their bullying of ICL affiliated players commentating on the New Zealand series.

But even then, this goes a little too far. I don’t think BCCI has reached the stage where it  can dictate pitches on tours. I mean, what next? India did not fold up on the fourth  day because Lalit Modi called NZ IPL players and told them he will throw them out of the cash-rich tournament if they dared to bowl well.

The real reason why NZC is preparing the pitches it is (indeed, most boards in the world), is because they make more money if matches last the whole distance. Quite simply, a five day test match yields far more revenues–from gate collections to television rights–than a three day match on a greentop. The Indian series is obviously lucrative–the NZC board expects to make nearly NZ$25 million from it–and it wants to milk it for it all it can. India can afford to ignore such concerns–even here, we are hardly preparing the kind of dust-bowls common in the early 1990s–because for the Indian board, test match earnings are loose change they would probably not even notice if they popped out of Lalit Modi’s pockets.

Silly to blame BCCI for that! And really, in Zaheer Khan and Ishant Sharma, India has probably one of the world’s best new ball attacks. Hard to imagine they would be cowering in their boots if they had to play on a greentop. Perhaps, that is another significant reason why it is not easy to frighten India these days by preparing bouncy pitches: The Indian cricket team is simply more skillful and better balanced than a lot of teams which have toured before.

And finally, if the Indian board was as powerful as Lewis claims, they would never tour–after all, the tv rights as well as gate collections are owned by the home board. Arguably, the Indian board makes very little money when they tour. And boy, does the BCCI love money! Hell, if BCCI had its way completely, both one day as well test cricket would be disbanded and we would play five IPL tournament a year or maybe more depending upon Lalit Modi’s moods.

p.s On another note, Sachin Tendulkar is quite close to his imperious best in New Zealand. He may have been around since Dinosaurs roamed the streets and might have scored like 5 million runs, but for an Indian cricket fan, there is little which gives as much pleasure as watching Tendulkar in full flow. He is special.

The other couple of hundred million kids who are forced to go to wretched public schools because their parents are too poor to afford anything else and because the policymakers are too busy investing in sexy new IITs and medical schools would be hard pressed to compete with kids in sub-Saharan Africa.

Just ask the folks at Pratham.

This is the Thomas Friedman effect, I suppose.

p.s Here’s how Sweden does it.