St Patrick’s Day Massacre

Not that I expect much from the Indian cricket team anyway. They are inclined to fail at the most crucial junctures and their ability to soak pressure has long been suspect. Also, granted that under Dave Whatmore, Bangladesh is a vastly improved side who bowl within themselves and field like tigers. Granted that in Mortaza they have a genuine quickie while our fastest bowler was cooling his heels in the pavilion. Granted that Rahul Dravid read the pitch wrongly and chose to bat first on a green top. Granted that this was the first match of the tournament and Indians are notoriously slow starters. Granted that our golden oldies aren’t of much use in the field and would hands down win the award for the worst fielding side in the world.

But despite all this, some one please explain it to me; how the fuck did we manage to lose to Bangladesh? No, to say that we lost isn’t quite enough; we were outplayed in every department of the game–massacre is the only word which comes to my mind.

Outplayed by Bangladesh, which despite their all-round improvement is a still second grade team which has only won 4 one day matches against test playing countries. A seventeen year old kid smashes our best bowler all over the park while the gladiators of the Indian team behave like whimpering, blundering idiots. And what a team we have!

First, is the great Sehwag. As someone wrote, asking him to open the batting is like starting the innings with one wicket down! As I have said before, the man needs to be fired immediately. If the Indian team is so fond of him, make him the media manager or something. Then we have the great Sachin Tendulkar who, before the match, assured his fans that he might be around for the 2011 world cup! How about first playing the 2007 world cup? If all he is going to do is hobble around as if he is on a minefield, then, he better make an exit now. And then our magnificent tail! From 157/4, we managed to reduce ourselves to 161/9! Unsuspecting viewers would no doubt think that the likes of Lillee and Thompson were bowling for Bangladesh. And what a wonderful display of spineless batting was that! Dhoni was caught playing an upper cut, Harbhajan, never the smartest cricketer around, was out trying to play a delectable late cut of the third ball he played. And then there was Ajit Agarkar, the one and only Bombay Duck who given a reprieve on the very first ball he faced, lasted all of three balls. I mean, it takes a certain genius to be out 2 times in three balls. But what else can one expect from Agarkar? A man, who has, as Greatbong points out, taken mediocrity to an art form. The guy cannot be fired, for how will we ever figure out which performance is the worst one?

This match also cruelly exposed the limitations of Indian bowling. Never threatening at the best of times, it wasn’t even workman like. Zaheer Khan was taken to the cleaners while Harbhajan threatened occasionally but failed to sustain the pressure. Agarkar, after his virtuoso batting display proceeded to spray the ball all over the place when India really needed him to fire. As I wrote above; the man’s a genius, you can never figure out what exactly he does worse: batting or bowling.

And there was the fielding. If the Bangladeshis still needed some help after the inept batting performance and the ordinary bowling, dropped catches and bad ground fielding guaranteed Bangladesh’s victory. It was almost as if India wanted to ensure that they would lose and every man contributed admirably to the task. Perhaps, the only two men left standing were Ganguly and Yuvraj. Ganguly played the anchor role while Yuvraj, despite his obvious limitations with spin bowling, hit some meaty strokes.

I refuse to believe for a moment that Bangladeshis deserved to win because they played better. Nonsense. They won because India played badly. Period. This was not an even contest but a David vs. Goliath battle. India had no business losing to Bangladesh. Granted that best of teams can have a off-day but not on a stage like the World Cup. For fuck’s sake, it is the biggest tournament in Cricket! At a stage like this, the best teams find reservoirs of strength and dig themselves out of the deepest hole. Not this Indian team comprised entirely of Gods with feet of clay who capitulated meekly and showed themselves as spineless characters. As Pondit told me on chat, irrespective of what happens next, this team has lost our respect. At least, Bob Woolmer had the decency to apologize. Can we expect the same from Greg Chappell?

Perhaps, the person who disappointed me most was Rahul Dravid. I am a huge fan of Dravid and have got into many a spat defending him. Sadly, Dravid not only let down the team with his batting but his captaincy was way off the mark. He chose to bat first, when any person with an IQ greater than ten would have fielded, he dropped a catch and looked lost in the field. This kind of situation requires a captain who leads from the front, it breaks my heart to say this–but when it came to the crunch–Dravid was found wanting.

Where does India go from here? All is not lost yet. Vivek has listed the possible scenarios. However, all calculations require that India beat Sri Lanka. That would require a vast improvement on today’s performance. Let’s see if that is possible.

I am keeping my fingers crossed!

Final word: If there is an Indian cricketing heaven, surely the Irish deserve a place in it. By beating Pakistanis and chucking them out of the World cup, they made a horrible day more bearable for this blogger. May FSM bless their soul! I have already drunk enough Irish Beer today!