I am bored!

…And I have really nothing to say. A fair question would be, when exactly I have something to say? True, but usually there is some buzz around the blogsphere, some discussion which enlivens things and makes blogging worthwhile. As I was discussing with the Pondittoday, blogsphere is right now dead. Its been in that state of limbo since the Blog blocking controversy got over. Ah! That was some fun. Opinions were mobilized, e mail clients were fired and some fine writing was well…err…written. This blogger’s solemn contribution in such affairs is to wait till sufficient controversy has emerged, then wade in somewhere and leave a daft comment or two. Then come back to his own den and write a piece in which he basically disagrees with everyone without actually making a point. His good deed for the posterity done, this blogger slinks back in to the shadows. Oh, and I must mention, this skill of disagreeing with everyone is acquired with much practise and effort, as they say, please do not attempt it on your blogs.

But something good usually comes out when such controversies break out. For example, as a result of the recent one, some of our prominent bloggers found much space in the MSM. Amitwas featured on CNN in all his ponytailed glory, Shivamwrote a couple of fine pieces for Rediff and our dear Patrix boy was quoted in the Hindustan Times which also published his mug. I saw it first(I think) and his reaction was immediate.

Thanks, but you know what, the idiots have ruined my picture, I am not looking half as handsome, sexy and dashing as I usually look. And the worst part is that they have not shown my manicured hands.

Innocent in such matters, I asked, innocently, ‘’so you manicure?”

Of course, you don’t? Look, all this incessant clanking of keyboards ruins the look. Maintain karna padhta hai bhai. And then without it, the nail-polish doesn’t stick.

Ok, I added the nail-polish bit but the rest of it is true. I swear. On Arjun Singh.

Hmmmm, Its not that I don’t agree with him. I mean I always thought, I don’t look half as handsome , sexy and dashing as I should have looked, or lets put it this way, a normal human should look. Its one of the main reasons I became an atheist, if God could mess up this big, how will this dude ever save the world? Naturally, all hail FSM.

Sorry for the digression, the reaction to Patrix’s fame was immediate. Our dear Pondit wrote in

What is this? How can there be any story in any part of the world on any topic without a Bong being featured in it? Don’t you know that the only opinion which matters is one which comes from a Bong’s mouth.? Why do you guys gang up against us? Just because you were not lucky enough to be born a Bong?

I see the Pondit has a point. I mean, I always wished I was born a Bong. Then I could apply oil on my hair, afford a big-belly and threaten everyone with sheer intellectualism and Robindroshongeet. And of course, dream of fish. Every night.

Anyway, Pondit’s first reaction was quite natural and I daresay instinctive. He threatened to bring Calcutta to a halt. Sadly he was thwarted in his plans. A West Bengal minister informed him

Sorry, we are all booked. There are no dates available for any bandhs till the 2008-09 season. There is so much to get offended over and sadly there are only 365 days in a year.

Having spurned Bongo, the minister immediately proceeded to call a bandh to protest against the recent English victory(that too by an innings) against the hapless Pakistanis.

Thus thwarted, Bongo tried another tack. He posed on his blog wearing a bikini. It is the same bikini which was once as Amit had informedus, worn by the voluptious Nitin Pai. Sadly the picture is no longer available on his blog, it was taken down after many virtual attempts were made by hysterical females to outrage Pondit’s modesty or whatever remains of it after years of chasing girls. Currently, both Patrix and the Pondit are engaged in a battle to see who can wear a sexier bikini. Damn, I cant find the last picture Patrix send me, will post it as soon as I can found it.

oh, btw, I am highly doubtful if the Pondit is a true Bong. First he does not eat fish, second this is what he said about Saurav Ganguly today.

I don’t even understand why Ganguly is such a big deal. That useless fellow should be drowned in the Arabian Sea.

Holy Cow! Where are you Greatbong? All self-respecting Bongs of the world unite and beat this guy to death or better still feed him to Piranhas. That should teach him something about fishes.

Oh, and how can I end before a word about the eminent blogger, the reigning Lion of the blogsphere. So, this Lion was recently reduced to a whimpering Pomeranian by the guiles of a charming young woman. Sigh! Woman I tell you are dangerous, they all know Black Magic. See, what she did to poor Amit and his army of toes!

Ok, I am done. So dear reader, you might ask what exactly was the purpose of this post. All I can say is that if you are still looking for any sense on this blog, please reduce the consumption of dope. It is getting to you. Serious.

Update-My apologies for calling Amit Varma the reigning Lion of the blogsphere. A better description I think would be to call him the rampaging loin. Amit, happy?